I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
