we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
