Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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