If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize