4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You're a waste of cheezeits
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
