I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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