There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
