She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Can you bring me the toilet please
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize