He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
