Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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