and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
