Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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