i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
