Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize