Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
