atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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