I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
