So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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