Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
