Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
