if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
