Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
