My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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