come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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