He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Randomize
