apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
