boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
