She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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