my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
