Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
