I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
