he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
