I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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