Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
