peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
