my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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