Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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