so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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