Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
