wat bout pragnant strippers??
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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