Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
