Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
