Someone shit on the floor
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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