he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
