yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
50% drunk capacity currently
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize