You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
