I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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