Tell her she can't have a vagina
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
