Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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