There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. ðŸ˜
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
