my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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