Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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