just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
