I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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