I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
