I'm gonna have a badass scar
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
