theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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