Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
