Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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