Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
