I love black thongs
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
