she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
