Say something about gay babies.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
