Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
