Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
