i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize