Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
so much tequila, so little girl.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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