i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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