This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Sober January is a disaster.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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