dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
