"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
is wine microwaveable?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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