you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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