I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
