o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
