just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
