i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
a search helicopter?!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
