Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
