this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
