I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize