No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
