I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
foreskin is a definite game changer
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
