Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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