Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Vodka?
Forever.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize