you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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