I feel great
I just peed on a car
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
