Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
