Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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