then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize