I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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