i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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