Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
