I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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