This is not my ceiling
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
