I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
