This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
