Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
