We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
