if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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