whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
