No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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